Musings from Mom School: Happy first birthday, Jordan!

One year ago, my life was about to change.

I was sitting in a hospital bed. It was February 7--my due date. I had spent the night there getting the whole "induction" process going again. Contractions got pretty close together around 6 a.m., but things weren't really "progressing," so to speak, so I was actually allowed to shower and have breakfast. For this I was very grateful.

Got Pitocin (fun!) and then it was taken away and I had to lay on my side because baby's heart rate dropped with contractions.

Hubby went to lunch. I was terribly bored until sometime between 1:20 and 1:25 p.m. then I felt two weird popping/snapping sensations in my right side. Gush! My water had broken, and on its own! Weird...

Then I got to move to the labor and delivery room, which was nicer and much bigger, but I didn't get much opportunity to enjoy it because contractions got pretty painful rather quickly. I was only 1 cm dilated but asked for an epidural. I am a big wimp when it comes to labor pains!

Epidural was a nightmare. It took four very painful tries, the anesthesiologist was MEAN to me, I bled a lot and a year later my lower back still hurts if it's touched. I wonder if I could have actually toughed it out. I wish I had tried. My nurse Cassie was my only saving grace, as they had made my Hubby leave the room.

5:30 p.m. came and still only 1 cm. I was already tired from a crappy night's sleep, contracting hard all day and the horrid epidural process and it was starting to feel like I'd be in labor forever. Doc came and checked and predicted that all of a sudden things would start happening, and quickly.

7 p.m. 9 centimeters. Yup! Happened fast! I got scared because I knew the really hard part was coming. I didn't even feel like I had the energy to push.

Doc came RUNNING in wearing his street clothes because he was afraid he would miss it. I convinced him he had time to change to scrubs.

Doc ordered the epi turned off. i begged him not to but he insisted. Pushing commenced. I cried a lot. I said I couldn't do it. I asked for a C-section. I even asked someone to please kill me. I had to have a wet washcloth over my eyes because I couldn't handle the lights. Felt like throwing up when I was pushing. Convinced doc to give me a 15-minute break and he agreed and went out of the room but then I decided it didn't suck any less to NOT push with the contractions and I just wanted to be done with it.

Asked for help, vacuum assistance was given, and finally, Jordan Thomas was born at 8:18 p.m. I wish I hadn't had the wash cloth on my eyes because I didn't get to see Hubby's face.

I heard my baby crying but was kind of left alone while everyone was tending to him but finally I got to hold him and everyone else disappeared. He started nursing right away but I was shaking very hard from the anesthesia, and I was afraid I would drop him. I held on for a few minutes, though, and then got to go to my new room while the baby was taken for his first bath.

This was the moment I met Jordan. I was a mess, but he didn't care. He loved me anyway.

This is Jordan and his Daddy

Here's my little man

Every part was so tiny and perfect

Here he is meeting his big brother for the first time

Then we brought him home and I had to figure out how to be the mom to two boys. It wasn't easy. I had a harder time going from one child to two than I did being a first-time mom. I felt (and still do) that I couldn't give enough of myself to each child.

But we made it work.