What do you DO all day?

So, what does the life of a stay-at-home mom of two boys, ages 1 and 5, look like?

Note: This will be a very long post and probably quite boring to most of you.

Well, despite the fact that the house can look exactly as messy when Hubby returns home from work as it did when he left in the morning, a lot actually does happen in there.

It would be impossible to recall everything, and I didn't write anything down, but just going from memory, here's a glimpse at yesterday, a typical day.

I wake up at 4:48 a.m. Why do I do this every single day, when the clock doesn't go off until 5?! That extra 12 minutes of sleep would be nice. I pretend I don't see the clock and put the feather pillow back on my head until it goes off at five. I get up, stumble to the bathroom, pull on the clothes I got out the night before, pull my hair into the world's messiest ponytail, brush my teeth halfheartedly and try to walk down the World's Creakiest Hallway as quietly and quickly as possible. Into my running shoes, watch and iPod, grab my water and banana and I'm out the door by 5:10.

Drive to town, park, run 3.3 miles. Drive back home. Start coffee and head to basement. I am banished to the basement each morning if I want the kids to sleep past 6 a.m. so that's when I blog, read Facebook and Twitter and the stuff in my Google Reader.

7:30 a.m. Wow. The kids are still asleep! I sneak upstairs and turn on the TV and watch the end of My Life in Ruins on the DVR. (I thought it was watchable. I like Nia Vardalos and enjoyed My Big Fat Greek Wedding. This was sorta similar.)

7:52 a.m. Logan yells "Help me get up" repeatedly from his bed, waking Jordan. I run in there and tackle Logan with kisses and hugs. He pushes me away, complaining of my coffee breath. I blow in his face because I'm mean.

Logan gets up, I grab Jordan from his bed and smooch those mooshy cheeks as much as he'll let me. First thing in the morning is his most lovable time and I get in as much as I can before he gets sick of me.

Morning business: Clean up last night's dinner mess because it's still on the table since I'm the World's Worst Housekeeper, change J's diaper, take photos of kids watching Sid the Science Kid on PBS because they're just so cute, make breakfast ("yellow eggs" for Logan -- that's scrambled to the rest of us. "White eggs" are hard-boiled -- and French toast and half an apricot for Jordan), realize Jordan practically shampooed with maple syrup, put him in shower and hop in myself since I never got to shower after my run, Logan hops in too, just because, wash us up, get us out, get myself and the kids dressed, clean up breakfast mess, load and start dishwasher, pry toy car tire out of Jordan's mouth, etc. etc. etc.

Realize it's June 3 and I want to take the boys to the park because every year around the first of June, if you go down there early enough in the morning you can see the snapping turtles laying their eggs. It starts pouring outside. The rain passes. We head to park. I am afraid we missed the turtles, since it's the third and it's already almost 11:30, but we were lucky and saw two along the mile-long loop.







We also saw spots where the turtles had laid eggs and they'd been dug up and eaten by raccoons or something. This one had an unbroken egg. I shoved some dirt over it. Who knows if it will make a difference.



We also saw a couple groups of baby Canada geese with their parents. Cute. (But there was a couple serious poop minefields to try to get through. Hard to do with a stroller!) I love this photo. The Daddy (or Mommy?) goose kept him(her?)self between his kids and us, and if (s)he felt we got too close, (s)he'd walk toward us, hissing.



Hubby and I have both been attacked by geese with babies while running at this park, so the boys and I retreated.

Logan had fun pushing Jordan in the stroller. He loves to do this. I swear, one day Jordan will end up in the pond. Please, no. That water is so gross!



Why do idiot people have to do things like THIS? Really? Who thinks an ABC gum tree is a good idea? Who wants to see this next to the pond every time they go to the park?



We were thirsty. Decided to go to McDonald's for a $1 pop as a treat. I only had 2 bucks in my purse or I must admit, it probably would have turned into lunch too. Got a large Sprite. (Boy, those things are huge!) While in line at the drive-thru we heard the unmistakable whistle of the "work train," which is the Industrial Railroad train that shunts cars of grain and other stuff through the industrial park area. I asked if the boys wanted to go see the train. They did. Also while in line, I snapped a couple pics of them in their new car seats. Jordan has officially been taken out of the infant carrier and turned around. He is now behind the passenger seat so I can see him and Logan is in a booster seat behind the driver's seat. Having a foot of space between them is nice. Fewer fights in the car. (Before, Jordan was backward in the middle and he thought it was funny to stick his foot in Logan's face, and Logan in return would try to rip off Jordan's foot. It was not fun.)





Got our Sprite, took a sip, handed it back to Logan and headed toward the train station. I hear a big SPLASH! Oh, Logan, what did you do? I pulled over. Half a 32-ounce Sprite was all over the back seat. I had JUST cleaned out the car over the weekend. Now it's a sticky mess. Used emergency towel to wipe up as much as I could. Got spooked by creepy suspicious redneck guy who wanted to know why I was parked in his front yard. I explained and left.

Went to train station. Watched work train for a while.



Logan was afraid when the loud, loud whistle blew. Jordan was fascinated. We left. Jordan was not happy about that but he was a couple hours late for his nap.



Headed home. Logan wanted the rest of the Sprite. Not in the car, buddy. Wait 'til we get home. Pull into garage. Get out of car. Hand Logan pop. He goes into house first as I get Jordan out of the car. SPLASH! The rest of the 32-ounce Sprite is now spreading across the kitchen floor that I had just mopped the day before. I want to cry. Both kids walk through the pop, further spreading the stickiness throughout the house. I really want to cry. I start oven for fish sticks. We're all hungry. It's like 1:00. Oven is preheated. I pull out box of fish sticks. Oh, you're kidding me. There's only 4 left. Grrr... I look in fridge and compile a lunch of leftovers for the boys, including 2 fish sticks apiece. I really wanted some stupid fish sticks. Instead I eat a yogurt.

Jordan is hysterical after lunch because he's so tired. I put him in his crib. He shrieks for about a minute and then crashes hard, for two hours! As promised, Logan and I head outside. We play basketball, he rides his bike, I find 9 four-leaf clovers in the lawn (I have found thousands in my life. I don't even bother saving them anymore.) I stuck two of them in the back of my library book for the next person who checks it out to find. Maybe it will bring them some luck. I read a little of the book as Logan rides. It's the third Sookie Stackhouse novel, Club Dead.

Logan goes into my flower bed on his bike. I see where he is. I get scared. I have a big lily I've been waiting to see flowers on for THREE YEARS. Finally, this year, we've had enough rain and warm weather and it's chock full of buds. I have been excitedly watching them grow, envisioning lilies floating in bowls in my kitchen. They're going to be so pretty.

I check the flower bed. The lily plant has been decapitated. The top, with all the buds on it, is lying next to the stalk, completely severed. I actually grieve the loss of my plant for a few moments. Logan is asking if I'm going to spank him. Um, do I EVER spank you, kid? No. I tell him I'm just sad. He tells me to get over it.

Gee, kid. Give me a minute.

I hear Jordan wake up inside. Logan and I go in. I take off Jordan's wet diaper and let him run for a minute in just a T-shirt. He grins and spins and dances like he is finally free. It makes me smile. Logan wants to take off his pants, too. I catch Jordan before he hoses somewhere in the house and put a diaper on him. The boys play and I chop up stuff for homemade salsa. Crap. We're out of chipotle pepper. What's salsa without chipotle? Hubby calls. He offers to bring home chipotle. Thanks. While looking for chipotle in cupboard, I find half a tube of purple icing leftover from Logan's birthday cake. Hmmmm... I squirt a little in my mouth.

Salsa prep helps makes a huge mess of the kitchen, which had been sort of clean before the whole Sprite incident. Now there's salsa mess, lunch mess and sticky floor mess. *sigh*

I make it as far as the sticky floor mess and lunch mess. Salsa mess will have to wait. Fish something else out of Jordan's mouth. He starts throwing toys over the baby gate and down the basement stairs. Then he pulls all the shoes out of the shoe holders. Then he picks flowers off my houseplants and throws them on the floor. Then he finds something else on the floor to eat.

I start thinking about dinner. Look in fridge. Meat I got on Sunday is BAD already (Note to self, order some FRESH meat from the farm around the corner. Screw Meijer!) so there goes my dinner plans. Realize we have a decent amount of leftovers. Cool. Leftover night!

Jordan comes screaming into the kitchen. He goes to the fridge and signs "milk." Heck yeah! I melt. I give him milk. He takes a couple hard pulls on the cup and then goes to the pantry. He bangs on the door and screams. I open it and ask him what he wants. He grabs the jar of peanut butter and hands it to me. You betcha. I put some on a piece of bread, settle him at the table and begin making a salad for dinner.

Meanwhile, Logan is playing Monster Jam in the living room, and giving me a play-by-play as he races his trucks on the chair.

Jordan grunts loudly. I look at him. He's the shade of a red plum. "Do you have to go potty?" I take him to the bathroom and sit him on the potty. He tries to get up. I sit him back down and try to distract him with a book. I'm not really potty training already, but I figure if I catch him getting ready to go, I can simultaneously save a diaper and kind of get him used to the idea of what the potty is for. Who knows. Maybe it will help him train sooner rather than later. He poops in the potty. I cheer like he just won the presidency. He pooped in the potty the day before too.



He tries to grab the poop. NO! I put him over toward the tub, grab some toilet paper and turn to wipe him. He's peeing on the floor. *sigh* I clean up the mess, diaper him and send him on his way.

Clean up the peanut butter bread and milk snack mess. Finish dinner prep. Boys are hungry so I let them get started. Hubby comes home. We eat. Yay! Another big food mess!

We finish. Hubby and Logan go outside to play basketball. I make dessert: A plate of vanilla wafers with purple frosting and sprinkles. They're cute. I take them outside. We eat cookies and play basketball and Keep Jordan Out of the Road for a while. I pick Jordan up. He smells like a barn. Time to get that diaper off him and get him cleaned up and in bed. It's already far past his bedtime, but it's hard to stick to bedtime when Hubby gets home so late and it's still so nice out.

I bathe Jordan, Logan comes in to get his feet washed, Hubby takes Logan to the basement to play, I put Jordan to bed. I really should clean up the dinner mess. Instead, I take my book and a square of dark chocolate with sea salt to the bathroom, pin up my hair and settle into a bubble bath. I read and enjoy my chocolate, tiny bite by tiny bite. I get out, get dressed, get Logan and put him to bed and then head to bed myself to read more. Hubby gets in shower. He kisses me and turns on the TV to unwind for a few before bed. I force myself to turn off the light at 9:45. I want to keep reading as I'm almost done with the book, but 4:48 a.m. will come far too soon.

So, what do I DO all day? Well, not much. And a lot.