Thursday, September 10, 2009

A not-so-good Mommy Moment

Boy, sometimes it's hard to realize that our kids can teach us tough lessons about ourselves. Like yesterday, Logan said something to me that made me realize I was being a terrible mother. I know I'm a pretty good mom most of the time, but yesterday i was NOT in top form.

OK, so most of us have seen a show like Nanny 911 or Supernanny where the parents are bellowing at their kids, but they don't realize how much they yell until they see a recording of themselves doing it.

Well, I guess that's me.

My little Logan is pokey. He eats SO slowly, one small meal can take hours. He takes forever to get ready, because he's constantly distracted by a toy he wants to play with or something else. In other words, he's a TYPICAL FOUR YEAR OLD BOY!

And that, I guess, doesn't work very well with my lack of patience, and therefore I find myself constantly nagging him. I raise my voice, I get irritated, I say "if you don't _____, then you're not going to get to ______," and so on. Mealtimes are especially rough, with either me or Hubby or both of us yelling at Logan to EAT for goodness sake!

So yesterday, Logan got up and I made his breakfast. We had about 50 minutes before we had to leave for school. Plenty of time to eat a small bowl of oatmeal, get dressed and brush your teeth, right? Uh, no. The clock was ticking and Logan was managing to get one bite into his mouth roughly every six minutes. My patience grew thinner and thinner. "You obviously don't want to go to school," I'd say. "Yes I do." he'd reply. "THEN EAT!" I'd bellow. Lather, rinse, repeat.

F-I-N-A-L-L-Y his food was gone (and let's not even talk about the fact that I had to FEED HIM the last three bites!)and we got his teeth brushed and I was helping him get his socks and shoes on when he turned those big brown eyes at me and said seven extremely painful words:

"Why are you always mad at me?"

My mind was blown.

Oh. My. Goodness. I suck, I suck, I suck, I'materriblemom,ohwhathaveIdonetomybaby?!

But that's not the worst part.

Later, after Hubby got home, we decided to go for our first family jog. we packed up the baby and the jogging stroller and Logan and headed to town. The jog started out OK, but shortly thereafter Logan pooped out.

Now, I knew he could do it. We had just run 2 1/2 miles together on Sunday and he did great, so I thought he was just being a brat. We spent the whole run trying to egg him onward, and then getting frustrated with him until, by the end of the run, he was screaming and crying and we were upset with him for being a brat.

We made our way to the restaurant, where Logan ate without much prodding. His mood improved immediately and drastically. Then I realized...

Crap. I am SUCH a rotten mom! The scrawny little kid hadn't had ANYTHING to eat since lunch at noon. By then it was almost seven. HE WAS HUNGRY! No wonder he couldn't run! I can't even explain how bad I felt when that realization hit me.

This morning, I still feel terrible about how I treated my son yesterday. I have patience issues and I swear, I am going to work on that.

You hear me Logan? I promise you I'm going to be a better mom.

And no, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me.


Vicky said...

We've all been there Krys. We try to be the best mom we can, but there are times when it slips away a little. Give him an extra cuddle, he'll be happy to forgive you. Hugs Vicky (aka MommieQ ;-)